apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
