Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
