apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
