just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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