Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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