Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
