I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
