Im at strip club and am horny
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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