Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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