First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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