she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
