tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize