My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
