someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
