is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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