what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
