Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
then he tried to convert me to islam
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
