NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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