i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
