i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
there is glitter all over my balls
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