That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
