I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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