Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Randomize
