He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
