Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
