I hate all girls vehemently.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
