The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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