Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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