was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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