If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She told me I should be a condom model.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
