man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize