walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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