dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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