I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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