We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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