Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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