PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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