I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
