Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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