I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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