i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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