god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
