I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
