yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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