i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
