Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
