At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
