Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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