Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
