I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
