I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
