Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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