I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
