I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
