So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
