Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Randomize
