Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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