***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
