some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
