We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
