I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
