I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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