It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
