peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
