It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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