No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
