im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize