Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
