i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Damn victory sex feels great
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
