I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize