I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
