So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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