I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you mean i was at the winter classic?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sobbing to NWA
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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