does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
