you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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