Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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