it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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